i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
