if you like me you must not know who I am
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Randomize
