I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
