i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
