Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
