if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
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