So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
