Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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