didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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