Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
