It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
