i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
