Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
