Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
