i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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