it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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