Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
