Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
