Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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