Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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