absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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