I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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