you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
