who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
