He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
The air was thick with penises
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
