can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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