So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
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