remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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