I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
