im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize