Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
