btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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