The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
How's work?
Spinning.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Randomize
