i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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