Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
