shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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