Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
