am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
there's paper in my vomit.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
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