Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
