After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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