How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
