I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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