You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize