I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
