I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
