Your tits are I can't wait for
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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