am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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