how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Text me some of your sweat
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
