we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
