Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
