Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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