Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You can't just leave with hair like that
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
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