Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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