I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
