best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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