I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
