You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
