I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
