..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
