Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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