My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
