giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
