someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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