there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
