we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
