I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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