When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
this will be a night to untag.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
It's shark week go big or go home
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
