Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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