I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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