youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
