babies were throwing up all over the place
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
