i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Damn victory sex feels great
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