Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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