best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
i've created a new STD.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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