im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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