Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize