Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
