I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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