when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
