i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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