we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
