if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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